if academia had a black market
? me #
"I have hardly anything in common with myself and should stand very quietly in a corner, content that I can breathe." (kafka)
j, 24. actual text. occasional person.
lit theory, church architecture, and whales // also hannibal, sports anime (knb, free!, haikyuu!!, dont look at me), pacific rim, and night vale are the fandoms of the hour. & always up for shakespeare.
people often look for hannibal meta or thoughts on performative kingship.

so okay i have been doing a fair amount of thinking re: sexual orientation / gender (????????? hoW) in the past few weeks and haven’t really come to any conclusions (are conclusions rly a thing you can come to about this, though)

although.  i’ve admitted to myself (and also! come to embrace! because ‘admitted’ makes it sound like a negative thing which really it isn’t) that i find the female body attractive

which is kind of a big thing for me. i mean, i have a very clear memory of being about fourteen and thinking as i walked down the hall of my high school, ‘i can’t be a lesbian; i don’t want to go to hell.’ and then spending a fairly large portion of the next ten years violently suppressing anything that might even slightly be considered non-heterosexual

and letting go of that is a little overwhelming.  but also.  really nice.

(the more i reread this the more trivial it sounds but.  i grew up in a really conservative environment and this is. difficult for me? idk, it took me a few years after i realized ‘hey homosexuality isn’t actually a sin, it is FINE, it is a PART OF HUMANITY’ to figure out that that also. applied to me on a personal level.)

22 // Feb24 / 3:43
  1. mcbitchtits said: CONFETTI
  2. bookcoversproject said: *hugs* - always happy to talk if it helps.
  3. pascaldupuis said: I used to think the same, especially growing up conservatively. I had a huge 180 turn in that and said “Its okay to be me”
  4. okayophelia said: <33333
  5. odysseiarex said: that’s really great, no matter how trivial it may seem <3 <3 i’m here if you need to talk!
  6. borgevino posted this